Negativity!

I'm so down and negative at the moment, really wish someone would give me a good shake!
I don't know why, I guess my hormones are still settling down?
I know I'm bound to be upset after the cycle failed, but I don't feel it's that....I haven't actually cried since getting the official bfn, I cried a lot in the days leading up to it, lots of sobbing, but once it was confirmed I guess I've just been a bit numb.
I don't understand why it wouldn't have worked with such a good quality embryo - IVF6 the embryo was starting to fragment, which isn't good, and it still started to implant, whereas this cycle the embryo was perfect, so the problem must be me....
I've been googling endometriosis and IVF, it seems if I get it removed again, there then needs to be a minimum wait of 7 months before a FET.  There isn't time, I'm on the road to 40!

IVF7 Test Day!

BFN.
No surprise there after testing everyday for the past week.

FET planned for September, yay!
Changed to my favourite consultant, appointment in 3 weeks, double yay!

FRER and excited anticipation!

There's so much excitement that comes with using FRER (first response early result) for testing, it's as if peeing on one of these wonder sticks, that can detect pregnancy hormones 6 days before your period is due, means you're more likely to get a positive result.
Why oh why do I let myself believe it?!
On Monday (3dp3dt) I tested out trigger, my tests were negative, meaning any lines from then on were from our embryo implanting and not from the IVF medication.
Yesterday (5dp3dt) I had what I felt was a slight hint of a line on a cheap strip test, so I thought I'd give one of my precious FRER a try (I only had 3 for this cycle, and being in France I have to order online, so they take about a week to get here....).
There seemed to be a line, which was a bit of a shock as I was technically only 8dpo.


So, I did another cheap test at 2pm....maybe a line?


I went back to the FRER after 7.5 hours, the colour seemed easier to photo by now - either due to drying, or cause I'd charged my phone lol!



Today (6dp3dt) there's nothing, not even the sniff of an evap!

Moral of the story, no matter what the test, it's not the test that creates that bfp, it's you!

I'm gutted, I actually feel like this cycle has failed, I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach (have had it since yesterday) and I want to curl up into a ball and cry....

Embryo update/shock!

So Sunday was day 5 for our embryos, but clinic is closed on Sunday so we obviously had no update....Monday came and hubby couldn't get through as the phone was being funny....I thought this would have meant none of the 4 remaining embryos would have made it to blast/freeze, as they hadn't tried to contact us....
Hubby phoned them today, we had a blasto frozen on Sunday, I can't believe it! 
So 1x day three frostie and 1x blasto frostie, I am in total shock!
How have we gone through so many cycles (our first IVF was January 2011) with not even a hope of blasto, let alone one good enough to freeze, and now at 39 & 46 we've had our best cycle to date?!  Obviously we're still in the 2ww, so don't know if this cycle has worked yet....but if the best of day 3 was transferred to me, my PMA is on the rise!

Day 3 transfer.

I can not put it into words how delightedly happy I am!

We've had a day three (top quality) single embryo transfer....AND one (top quality) went into the deep freeze too!  We have never, ever had a frostie before!

The clinic are even taking the other four (yes there's FOUR more - explain in a min) embryos to see if they'll make day 5 or 6, I am in shock!

When we chatted with the embryologist, he explained that 5 of the 6 eggs were mature and had been fertilised....then once the 6th egg was matured it was fertilised too, so there's 4 more in the running ( a total of 6 embryos, 100% fert rate) - not that I'm expecting any of the others to make it to the freezer....but still, having one in there is pretty amazing!

IVF7, EC :)

So, the morning went well, the staff on the gyne day ward are lovely and recognise me now from our previous cycles, so we have quite a bit of banter which is relaxing :)
The EC was good, they weren't able to get to all my follicles, and what they did manage to get from one side was down to someone in theatre practically sitting on me, lol!
So, from 7 follicles (and possible extra smaller ones), we got SIX eggs!
This morning we had the cal (which was quite a bit earlier than usual) to say that 5 have fertilised!
Really happy!
ET is on Friday, woohoo, almost PUPO!



I'll talk about the afternoon of EC day in another post soon - a complaint will be made towards my consultant!

EC tomorrow!

Well I'm into the stage I find quite nervy, trigger last night, there's nothing else I can do to increase numbers now apart from eat more rancid tofu to keep my protein up....
Nice dose of anal laxative gel tonight (normal part of protocol in France - and my endo sometimes makes me constipated so it's nice to have a clear out 😂 ) and an anti thrush capsule up my foofer, then a betadine scrub shower - hair too, so I'll have an orange 'Trump' like glow 🤔
Last EC they cut into the wall of my foofer, so that was a surprise to feel some stitches up there when doing my progesterone lol!
Will inform them tomorrow that once again they can be as rough as needed (general anaesthetic - difficult collections but never any after pain) as long as they harvest lots of eggs!

Early rise in the morning, it's 100km from our house to clinic, but we have to drop LO off with the mother-in-law, she's a 20 minute drive away in the wrong flippin direction, so I think we're up at 4!!!!
As I have a general (due to adhesions and difficult collections), I'm first down, so have to be at hosp at 7.30.

Praying we have good numbers tomorrow and this is the final time I'll need to go through this....

Follie scan #2, IVF7

Pleased with my follicle scan yesterday, I have 4 on one side and 3 on the other, and maybe some smaller ones too!
Trigger tomorrow night.
Collection in on CD13, I feel quite positive about this, in November (no transfer from 2 eggs collected) EC was on CD11 so I feel this was far too early; March EC was CD16 and although it was a good collection (sadly a CP/early MC) maybe it was a bit too late in the cycle (I've read for older ladies, earlier collection is better), so feel like CD13 is a good medium :)
Just hope we get some healthy eggs, that they fertilise well and become our final addition....

Good news (Non-IVF)!

Mum hasn't been too good recently, her liver hasn't been coping with the trial therapy she's on for her melanoma so she was taken off cancer treatment and put on steroids.
Yesterday, after hours and hours at hospital, she got the news that the cancer that had spread to her lungs is shrinking.  It's also spread to her bones, but is showing as scarring, which means the treatment she was on was also tackling that too!  So she's back on the trial, a lower dose but that's FAR better than not being on it at all.  Just hope it keeps working and her liver behaves!

Feed the follices!

Getting enough protein is probably the most stressful part of cycling at the moment, everything else is just so normal with it being our 7th IVF cycle.
I don't eat meat or fish and I'm trying not to have too many calories as I don't want to gain weight this cycle (I can feel the bloat/water retention already), so tofu seems to be the way to go.... I really can't stand the stuff but needs must as ideally I need 1g of protein for every 1kg of body weight!

A typical day is 2x toast and a hot choc, no morning snack (well - I'm trying really hard not to eat the zillion tubs of pringles that are in the house after the local supermarket had a crazy offer on but it' hard going!), midday is a 200g slab of tofu cubed and fried in butter with shallots and garlic and then some pasta sauce added, and this is shared with LO cause she loves tofu! Then in the evening I'll have a bed of salad (lettuce and toms) with some soya/tom mince with cheese.  I might treat myself to a glass of milk and fruit during the day too depending on how I'm feeling.
I'm not missing carbs too much, phew!

First follicle scan, CD6 IVF7

Luckily managed to get my appointment locally instead of doing a 200km round trip, I've got 4 follicles, 2 on each side (from 7-10mm).  I could see some smaller ones too, but they weren't counted.  I was disappointed at first but when checking on my chart, this is actually how last cycle went and we got 6 eggs then, so crossing everything and praying hard!