CD1, IVF7!

Today is CD1, which timed perfectly with a pre-arranged baseline scan, af arrived about 5 hours after the scan, perfect timing as no mess with dildo cam, yay!
Clinic phoned in the afternoon to say I start stims tomorrow, as usual 450 of menopur.

H.R.T!

HRT = Hormonal Rage Tenfold!
CD21 and started my HRT patches - oh the joy, they're going to turn me into a miserable cow lol!

It's written in my notes to start them on CD23, but I checked my chart for IVF6 and I started on CD20, as that was quite a good cycle (IMO) then I thought I'd try and follow the same, although I didn't check my chart til 11 last night, so couldn't start the patches until this morning....
Picked up all my meds today, I say 'all', the chemist only ordered one box of Menopur (600), as I need 450 per day I've got to get the rest later, doh!
Anaesthetist and baseline is a week tomorrow, then will prob start the stimming the day after.
Is this going to be the cycle that completes our family?  I'm praying so hard that it is, I want to move past ttc and start enjoying life again without daily checking and injecting....

2 week countdown....

2 weeks until predicted CD1 of IVF7.
To be honest, after lots of tears weeks back, I'm just plodding along as if nothing is happening lol!
I'm telling myself it's probably not going to work and trying to start accepting that our family is now complete.  If it works then we will be delighted, if it doesn't maybe we'll wont feel too devastated?
Time will tell, and whilst waiting gardening is a great distraction!

Pre-cycle, cycle!

Another failed DIY cycle (I did 5 days of menopur 100), af arrived yesterday afternoon.
I'm CD2 today and on CD16 I'll start progesterone as usual, then on CD20 (I think) I start HRT patches to prep for IVF7.  I think this helps the follicles to grow at an even rate....?
I'll be doing the same as last cycle, praying we have successful implantation this time of a healthy baby we can bring home next spring.
Really need to work on my PMA, it's failing big time at the mo!

Pfffffff, deflated.

Would someone just help my head take a step back and relax please.
I need to find my motivation.
I feel like IVF#7 is going to fail before it even begins.
4-5 weeks to go until CD1....

Disappointment.

Yesterday I had a line, it was pink and it was still visible hours after testing....


I thought maybe the other line at 8dpo was left over trigger, and this lay have been something fresh starting to implant, however that was just wishful as I didn't have a good feeling about the test or about anything being sticky if there really was something there....
CD1 today.

Admission....

I need to come clean, I did another DIY cycle....
I did menopur  (75 - so VERY small dose) from CD3 through to CD13 (not CD10 as I forgot oops), adding in a down reg on days 11/12&13.
I triggered CD13 (had a spare from IVF#4) so probably ovulated CD15.
I did get a very slight line on 8dpo, hubby could see it too and in real life there was colour (and it was clearer);

I don't know if it caused any damage, but I sneezed really hard whilst asleep (woke me up) that night/morning of 9dpo, if I don't bend and hold my section scar I always get a snapping type pain, so it makes me wonder if there was anything trying to implant, if I undid all the hard work....?
I'm 14dpo today and stopped progesterone at 11dpo, so should have af very soon (today I hope as want to crack on).
I've gained weight trying to take the relaxed approach through the 2ww, I'm so stupid!
Our follow-up appointment/booking in for IVF7 is next week, need to do a quick fix diet over the next few days.
I turn 39 next week, so I'd really like my birthday dream to come true please, if anyone out there could make that happen, lol!

Adding in extras!

CD6 and I need to get focused!  Our review is 4 weeks today....
After a naughty few days I'm weighing in at 86.4kg, giving me a BMI of 27.26.  I'd like to get down to 80kg (BMI 25.24) by our appointment in 4 weeks.
I'm adding in to my supplement mix;
Vitamin E - I'm not sure of dose yet, google says for infertility the dose should be higher than prenatal vits, however google also says it can increase bleeding, with endo I certainly don't want this!
Royal Jelly - I think I read to take between 1000-3000, but I need to double check.
Testosterone - this I'm going to ask my endocrinologist about, my blood test in December showed my testosterone was really very low (below menopause level), but I'm not sure how this effects other hormones (progesterone and estrogen) so I'd like the advice of my endocrinologist for reassurance.
More Ubiquinol (I'd run out at EC), it wont do any harm adding this in again, the only downside is the cost, any form of CoQ10 isn't cheap lol!
Clearblue dual hormone tests - these are for our natural cycles in between IVF, they not only test for the LH sure, but they test for the estrogen surge too, so give extra fertile days in comparison to regular home tests.
Fingers crossed all this helps towards a positive cycle....

4+5 marks the end of our December dream :(

My second beta was today.... result <2.
I'm bleeding too, finally.

Onward to our next cycle, I'm going to buy some clear-blue dual hormone tests, hubby hasn't batted an eye lid at the spending on pregnancy tests, so I'm pleased he's fine with me splashing out on what I consider 'luxury' tests!
They measure LH and oestrogen, so I might get slightly different peaks compared to the cheapy strip LH tests - I'm naturally oestrogen dominant (one of our many problems), so it's going to be interesting to compare....

For now I'm enjoying a final 'off' day and enjoying my first glass of wine (good stuff at €10 per bottle - I'm nicknamed 'madame promo' so this is a top class wine in my book!) in what seems like forever (since lent started lol), I've bought cake AND cream and we're having chips and mayo as a side dish with our tea.  Tomorrow begins the 'complete the dream' cycle.

False Hope!

I'm so annoyed at the clinic today, they phoned hubby as they'd got the fax with my bhcg results (finally - they finished at midday on Saturday and with the bank holiday they're only just back in the office today), they told him that although the result is low, it is positive and that I have to repeat the test tomorrow.... as long as I'm not cramping or bleeding then we're still in with a chance!
I've had to talk him back down to earth and tell him I'm repeating the blood test tomorrow just to confirm that it's over (and not ectopic), it's not possible to have 6 days of lines on the home tests and then only have a level of 13 on the blood test.
I'm so angry that they've given him this false hope and I feel like an absolute cow having to break it to him yet again that we're having another loss!

Down, but not out!

I can't give up and I wont let this beat me! 
Getting the bank holiday over with today then back on it tomorrow. 
I WILL be getting 6kg off then my BMI will be within normal range, I'm upping my exercise and sticking to it this time, bad weather will NOT be an excuse!
I may even try a plant based food diet, I'm veggie anyway but this is a big craze at the moment and it seems a lot of people manage to improve their health and fertility by changing to this lifestyle....

Plans....I'm still to find out if I can have my CD3 blood test done immediately - straight after the IVF and MC, I'm struggling to find an answer to this one but will crack on with google tomorrow once the older kids are back at school and hubby at work. 
We're hoping we can go straight into a monitored cycle, but this depends on if I can get the blood test done (different clinic so I need to repeat bloods).... Af shouldn't be far away - I need 3 cycles before we can do IVF again on the 4th cycle, so hope to monitor this coming cycle and IUI in May and June, starting IVF#7 in July....I should be SUPER fit by then!