IVF a go-go!

The decision was made to go ahead....I'm now CD21 and starting HRT patches toady, as usual I started the duphaston (progesterone) on CD16.
Being healthy is going well - always easier when it's lent as I'm always extra motivated to stick to it!
Collected all my 'drugs' from the chemist yesterday, I walked out with what was like a big green suitcase there was that much lol!
The only drama for today is that I'm not sure if I should have my HRT patch on by now or wait until this evening....hmm, why oh why don't I think of these questions before I need an immediate answer?
All being well I'll be having my baseline scan and bloods in 7-8 days, eeek!

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow is CD16, the day I should start duphaston if we decide to do IVF#6 as originally planned.... I'm not 100% sure if I have ovulated yet this cycle (and I'm not supposed to use progesterone before ovulation as it can mess up the cycle). 
As I had it in my head we were going to delay the IVF then we have bee ttc naturally, which also causes a dilemma as I need to look into the HRT patches and if they're safe when pregnant if by any chance we got lucky - cause I start them on CD22, waaaaay before I'd know if naturally it had worked. 
I was going to give another day or two before starting the duphaston, to be sure I've had chance to ovulate, and now I have to make a decision by morning (clinic phoned to remind me that I start tomorrow).  So, more of the *what am I doing?* ahhhhh!!!!

Delay?

I'm really in a tizz at what to do....
My parents aren't going to be here for the entire month of March so we only have mil to turn to for baby sitting (toddler) and the school run (older girls).
We've got sooooo many things on in March, as well as doing the IVF, I don't know if we should delay?  If we do, hubby has holiday from work in April, but the delay would be 1 cycle (so 30/31 days at the mo) and his holiday week would need a delay of 40 days to get the timing right and IVF when he's off.
Not only that, but my parents rent their house out to a couple when they're away, so I'll be at their call if anything needs doing (chimney fire one of the last times they stayed).
If we delay until April, I may be doing cleaning and changeovers for my parents if they're back in the UK over summer, with my history of early loss it's not something I want to be doing in the first trimester.
Ahhhhh, what to do?  I guess people might say there's never a right time to have a baby, but when there's sooo much planning into making that baby it makes decisions difficult to make!
Plus I haven't been as healthy as I could, I've been sticking to my plan, buuuuut, at the weekends I do treat myself to a bottle of wine, or two!  Now lent is here I'm off alcohol, pop, caffine, bread and butter....that has to go in my favour, right?

Finally!

Thank goodness, af FINALLY arrived!
I started with a few scar twinges last night, not too painful - my scar pain can be pretty intense thanks to endometriosis, then noticed a little pink when in the shower last night, very happy to see full arrival this morning.
So today marks CD1 of post- IVF#6.  On day 22 (I think, need to check) I start wearing HRT patches, and as usual do my duphaston (progesterone) from day 16-25.  I'm not going to try and guess what day will be the next CD1 as after this past week I'm really not sure, lol!

Also had an MRI this morning on my left knee, so af arriving meant I could tick the *not preg* box instead of being unsure. 
I had a *horse accident* in September last year - one of my horses knocked me over, another jumped over me as I fell to the ground (missing me by a hair) and another one I think stood on my right leg). 
As our new dr hadn't arrived (old dr retired in May and replacement hadn't yet moved here) and I didn't have time to go to A&E, this is the first check I've had.  Wont get the results for a few days though (the nurse said trauma to the knee was clear lol).
These (photos) are 2 weeks after the accident, my right leg was very purple and still (yes still now 4.5m later, has a dent in it), but it was my left knee that took the force of landing on rocky ground.

Maybe?

Here's a thought....maybe somehow I've sealed shut, that's why af isn't here - cause it can't get out?!
Honestly, WHERE ARE YOU AF?
I've even checked if somehow I forgot I had my mooncup in, but nope.  Therefore I'm sticking to the sealed shut theory....
Still BFN this morning.  One test, I refuse to do any more today!

Losing the plot!

I think I may have gone barking made....not only have I just had to pots (piss on TWO sticks) this morning, but as they were negative and still no period, so I googled.....*drum roll*....and dipped a couple of tests in breast-milk too.  Bonkers!
There's a big difference in waiting for a pissy test vs waiting for a milky test, as the milk travels up the test it's sooooo dark, no lines, just a big smudge of dark pink/purple.
The result, both negative, what else was it going to be?!

WANTED!

Where is af (aunt flow/period)?!
My tests are now as white as a Daz advert and I stopped progesterone a few days ago now - my last tablet was Friday morning....af is usually here within 36/48 hours....it's now 72 hours!
I'm never late, never!
There's barely any spotting too, just the tiniest amount when wiping, and I mean TINY!  So little that if you weren't an obsessed tissue checker like I am, then you really wouldn't notice.
It's only when you're IVFing that you REALLY want af to be on time, any other time it'd be fine, in fact I'd be pleased.  But I really wanted to get all my tracking scans and egg collection done in the half term holiday, this plan is now looking unlikely, ahhhhh!
AF come out come out wherever you are, you are WANTED!

50 shades of grey?

Photo says it all, I think we're at 10dpo, evap, evap, flipping EVAP!
Top test is a 20miu, bottom is a cheap 10miu.
Talk about getting my hopes up :(

8/9dpo, Nauuuuusea!

Bleurgh! 
Bleurgh bleurgh and more bleurgh!

Feeling rubbish today with on/off nausea  However, I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with TTC and is more due to the eldest being upstairs in bed all day feeling sick (there's a bug doing the rounds which had the middle one throwing up last week). 
I don't do other people being sick very well, when middle child was hurling into a bucket last week I had to run out of her room whilst holding my mouth and heaving, poor love must have felt really neglected when I threw a box of tissues in her direction for her to wipe her mouth and handed anti-sickness medication at arms length once the vomiting ceased, lol!
So, I think the nausea is just nerves of having to deal with someone else being sick....ho hum.

January Consultation.

Yesterday we had our consultation for IVF#6.  I thought we might go over #5 to see if there are ways we can improve, but nope, our consultant is very much *the computer says no!* from Little Britain!  Her voice has got a constant whining type tone, she'd make such a good dog trainer lol!!!!

I had quite a few questions to put to her; about my supplements - if there's anything I can add (without mentioning breastfeeding lol); if I should try testosterone (my levels are very low and I read testosterone priming can be good for low AMH/DOR); if I need to adjust my thyroid meds (already done it just wanted her confirmation); if we should try a lower dose of menopur like with LO/IVF#4; if I should do the oestrogen priming like with LO/IVF#4....but all the questions fell on deaf ears and the conveyor belt of *ummm noooo, we wont do that*,with the exception of upping my thyroid meds a little. 
We talked about the egg retrieval and anaesthetic, I usually have a general but she thinks I should try a local, I'm worried about coping with the pain due to me adhesions, it's not possible knock me out if I change my mind....?!  She tried to scare me a little and said there's always a risk with a general, that's really put me on edge now and I don't know what to do - if I choose a local and can't cope with any pain, if they wont knock me out it's another failed cycle....and what if they just crack on regardless of pain?
One change is I am going to be on a progesterone patch prior to the cycle, this made me giggle as I remember my mum having HRT after her hysterectomy, she used patches....dad would wake up with them stuck to him instead hahaha!

There's about 6 weeks until the start of the cycle, I'm doing a prep type countdown and giving up all the crap - in a last attempt to drop a few kilos after being a pudding over Christmas!
Week (until cycle) 6 - no alcohol, walk 2km x5 & run 0.5km x3.
Week 5 - as W6 and no caffine, walk 3km x5 & run 1km x2.
Week 4 - as W5and no sugar, walk 3.5km x5 & run 1km x3.
Week 3 - as Wk4 and no gluten, walk 4km x5 & run 1.5km x2.
Week 2 - as W3 and no processed food, walk 5km x5 & run 1.5km x3.
Week 1 - as W2 and no added salt, walk 6km x5 & run 2km x2.

I'm adding in walking and running to being extra healthy as with poor blood circulation it's good to get things pumping.
My fitness watch arrived yesterday, perfect timing!  It's got a HR function on it too, so going to keep an eye out if it can show ovulation (I got a blinding OPK on CD13 which is great as I was starting to worry about early menopause).

So the nerves of another cycle begin again, pulling up my PMA pants though, this has to be the one!

January...BF....

....N....!
Bastard Flipping Negative lol!

Don't know why I thought it would be anything else, I didn't get my LH/OPK surge so I'm doubtful that I ovulated....now I'm wondering if I'm closer to the menopause than I thought - I'm currently CD10 and no signs of ovulation, whereas the 2/3 cycles before IVF5 my CM would be changing and I'd be starting to get twinges.  Instead I'm still spotting following a very heavy af, yay, NOT!
Maybe IVF5 followed by a light DIY cycle has given me a cyst or two (this happened when we were doing IUI back in 2010, I did a DIY cycle whilst our consultant was on holiday, I had a 4cm cyst that needed a cycle of progesterone to get rid of it, hmmmm, crap, really hope it's not that?).

Our next consultation is this coming Monday, so I started healthy eating again yesterday, it was our wedding anniversary on Tuesday so we had a lush meal and lots of wine and cheese, knowing I'd be back on healthy eating yesterday, I was so FULL of motivation that night. 
BANG!  The day of the diet comes and ALL I'm craving are the left over Pringles I know are in the cupboard.  The bowl filled with lots of fresh fruit just wasn't doing it for me ahhh, lol!  Hubby and I had a sneaky Irish coffee late in the afternoon, I suggested we open the rest of the wine and finish it off, hubby swiftly reminded me of our consultation in just a few days, oh shit - I had forgotten, focusing on dieting for our next cycle I was thinking I had a few more days yet before I needed to be good.  Oh well, that was it, I'm on it!