My Do & Do Not list!

When we did our 4th IVF cycle, the cycle that so amazingly blessed us with our youngest daughter, I thought I had written down all the things I did that may have helped that cycle.....hmmm I wish I'd have book marked whatever I had written cause I'd so love to follow it now.  Hence my list ;)

DO (me);

CoQ10

Selenium

Zinc

Iron (occasionally)

High dose folic acid

Flax oil

Preg/BF multivit

Walking (to help circulation & reduce stress)

Socks (warm feet = better circulation)

Pineapple juice (incl core!  from ET)

Brazil nuts (from EC)

Kiwi-a-day (from ET)

Handful of dates (from EC)

Warm water - to drink (to help circulation)

Protein (1g for each kg I weigh)

DO (him);

CoQ10

Selenium

Zinc

Iron (occasionally)

High dose folic acid

Walking

Loose underwear

DO NOT (me);

Alcohol

Caffeine

Late nights

Too many carbs

Sugar

Acupuncture (offered at clinic before ET - it's the 1st time I'd declined)

DO NOT (him);

Alcohol

Caffeine

Sugar

There was one other thing we did, purely as we thought the cycle would fail...we drove over 1000 miles across to the other side of France, to rescue two Rottweiler puppies...this takes us to five dogs (as well as horses, goats, cats etc)! 
Needless to say we will not be adding that into our IVF 'to-do' list lol!

One week to go!

Today my stomach is in knots with nerves!  

In a week I have a baseline scan ready for fresh IVF cycle #5 (sibling cycle #1), then it's probable I'll start stimming just a week after that, so I'm looking at egg collection in 4 weeks (maybe 4+1) if stimming goes as usual.  

I feel like I'm not ready!  Like this has snuck up on us.... but it hasn't really as we've been planning since the end of August when we had our IVF consultation!

If it works then there will be 2 years between LO and the new baby, I'll be having an elective section due to 3 previous sections and a crap pelvis so this will be booked around 39 weeks, which if the cycle goes well and my dates are correct will be the day before LOs 2nd birthday. 
It feels so unfair on LO, I might miss her second birthday as I could be in hospital :(
How will she cope sharing me and sharing boobies?!
How will I cope with a newborn and a toddler?!  Our older girls had 2 years 9 months between them, so a more manageable gap on my part.

How am I going to cope with a fourth section?  The third was hard, will it be easier having an elective, or will recovery be slow cause it's my fourth?

Should we wait?  But I can't wait!  My AMH is in what I call in the OAP range!
....what about my prolactin levels - they're so high (678) that if I was in the UK I wouldn't be able to go ahead....is my prolactin so high due to breastfeeding or is it down to the stress of mum - she was diagnosed with Malignant Melanoma last month, had surgery to remove the tumor then had further surgery just this week to remove some lymph nodes as the cancer had been found in the sentinel node.
I've cut back a little on the breastfeeding, 8am until 2pm is 'anything but boobies' time, is this going to be enough to drop my prolactin and help the cycle?
The clinic had a meeting about us, they're going to put me on max dose due to OAP eggs and we're only allowed a single embryo transfer this time due to the previous three sections.  This worries me as with the exception of our third IVF cycle which was abysmal, we've always done a double transfer (so 3 doubles and one single) and yet only managed LO from all those embryos.  I understand the reason behind just transferring one, but in a panic this will be just another reason it's going to end in bfn....
I need to relax and let it all 'just be' ....but I'm struggling to keep a lid on it!

Weigh-in & ttc news :)

Well, the 'diet' seems to be going OK - I'm used to losing quicker as I tend to do crash diets,so this being good thing is a challenge!  However, the scales are going in the right direction, which is great! 

I was 94.5kg (208lb) on 20th June, today I weighed in at 91.6kg (201lb).  A 7lb drop in just over a month is alright, esp as I'm still breastfeeding so should be doing slow & steady anyway ;)

In other news, we have a consultation at our IVF clinic at the end of August, all being well we should IVF again Sept/Oct!  I am so excited!!!!

That's all for now, sleeping baby on my knee so can't waffle on as one handed lol!

Fifty to Fabulous!

It's time for a change!

Nope, I'm not turning fifty anytime soon.... I'm hoping (read *going*) to drop 50 pounds of lardy, wobbly, dimply, overstretched arse and tum - esp tum, my mummy tummy is frankly humongous, and having had 3 emergency c-sections isn't helping with the lovely apron overhang. 

There's not a pair of knickers in this universe that will hide the 'smile' of my scar, and instead of shopping around for something, anything that will make me look a bit flatter, fitter (hotter in the bedroom, you know - the apron does nothing for sex, not for me anyway!) it's time to do something about it!

I've yo-yo'd all my life.... When I met hubby I was 61.5kg, poor chap didn't know just how much I'd gain - neither did I.  At my heaviest (and this is NOT when pregnant) I was a very round 112.5kg (a smidge over 17 stones and 10 pounds), this was about 7 years ago.  Hubby then got ill and I lost a very much wanted miracle pregnancy to early miscarriage, started a new job just a few weeks later after being a SAHM for 9 years, in a country where I was struggling with the language....it was a really tough year and it helped me lose weight purely as I was so stressed. 

I dropped down to 82kg, which was great as we were going through our 3rd cycle of IVF, but since then the weight has crept back on.  I gained a lot after our 4th cycle of IVF as it blessed us with our 3rd daughter (after 9+ years of trying).  I tend to gain a lot when pregnant, however this time I'm really struggling losing it.

Not wanting to do any crash dieting (I'm still breastfeeding), and praying we have no more family stress, I'm going for the long haul of LIFETIME weight loss.  So, I'm giving myself 7 months (starting tomorrow as I need to shop), which will be perfect timing as we would like to do more IVF early 2018.

Weighing in today I'm at 94.5kg (208lb), a fifty pound drop would take me to 71.8kg (158lb) and a BMI of 22.66.

Here we go (photos to follow soon).

The ball, it rolls.

The countdown has begun!

I have an appointment in July with my consultant at the local hosp, I'm hoping she can arrange some sort of follicle tracking and stimming and we're lucky enough to not need any more IVF - IVF clinic is an hour away and it just adds to the stress of it all....!

Last week I went to see our family Dr (sadly it was her last day and she is now retired - gutted as we were on the same page with our opinions of just about everything).
I persuaded her to give me a prescription for duphsaton (progesterone) and another prescription for a prolactine blood test (this is a hormone that is higher when pregnant or breastfeeding and I think it stops the body from producing progesterone - needed to keep a pregnancy healthy), as I'm still nursing our youngest I wanted this test just to double check how my levels are so I know if we're in a good place to start any treatment....I will probably take this test towards the end of June.

Today I've got a positively shining OPK, yesterdays seemed positive (the lines were the same colour) but todays line (the top one) is practically leaping off of the test!

 

In other news, we have long weekend coming up which I'm looking forward to and hubby has managed to get Mon/Tues off too, which means lots of time to get things done in the garden before the house is swamped by weeds - sounds like an exaggeration but I'm not sure if it is lol!

Edited to add a countdown ticker for that appointment 👍

Krazee Frog, le blog!

Thought I'd start a blog to get down my thoughts and feelings, chat about our plan (what plan?!) and have a good moan/whinge or laugh whilst doing so.

So here we are, Krazee Frog, le blog, ttc#4 💗  

Will make it look all pretty later, feeding the boob monster at the moment and she's getting pasta everywhere (the dog is happy)!

KF x

Bizarre!

Old Blog Import, TTC#3

Right, something really strange happened on Sunday night (CD11), I was getting ready to hop in the shower, when I noticed my right boob was leaking!  Why?!  I stopped bf'ing when DD2 was 2yrs and 6 weeks, so that was 1st May 2008!!!!  I'm sure it can't be the IVF meds, as I've not had any since 18th Jan, so surely I would have been leaking before now?  It was clear and a bit sticky, like colostrum!

What could it be?  I do have really lumpy boobs, and I've had dr's check them several times over the last 9yrs, the last time was about 8m ago, as I've got a big hard bit on my right, but my mum has very lumpy boobs too, so I'm pretty sure it's something to do with that, but why does it leak?

I can't be preg, as I had bloods taken after IVF and they were negative, also I'm ov'ing at the mo - which I wouldn't if I was preg.

All suggestions welcome!

A quickie - if it helps others, SA ;)

Old Blog Import, TTC#3

Just got the results in the post of our EC/fertilisation, they also have dh's *deposit* results.

Before it used to be 42million, with 7m normal, now it's 81m with 18m normal (the % of normal has more than doubled, yay!), our IVF didn't work but I am over the moon about these results - esp as it was good enough to do IVF without ICSI, which we were originally told we'd need!

So, what did he do?  Cut out beer and smoking cigars since Christmas (EC was 18th Jan), and then for the week before EC I had him on pregnacare (I'm sure this helped when ttc DD2 too), green tea extract, selenium and echinacea.  I know changes should take place 3m before any treatment but he was so relaxed and we truly thought we'd ICSI anyway, I only had him on supplements cause I was ill and wanted to make sure he wasn't!

Really hope this is of help to someone.

He is still on supplements now so hoping it keeps on improving :)

BFN :(

Old Blog Import, TTC#3

Gutted, obviously, but apart from that I don't know how I feel....numb, like I've lost something I didn't have in the first place....?

So, what happens next, clinic have said to wait for 2 afs, but as we do long protocol, does that mean we can start the cycle of the 2nd af - down regs beginning on CD21?

Why didn't it work, I had to really put my foot down for them to put 2 embies back, as they were perfect and I am young and fertile (erm, nope, isn't this why we're doing IVF?!), they were really positive about it not only working but they though both would stick too, so why haven't they?  Could I/should I have done anything different?  We had 8 follies (on last scan 3 days prior to EC they were between 17-23.5mm, so were they too mature?), and got 5 eggs, 4 fertilised by IVF (not ICSI as we were told we would need, yay!), 2 were PERFECT, 1 was good and they wanted to try and get it to blasto to freeze (never got that far), the 4th wasn't good.  

We had the two perfect embies put back, but they struggled to get the catheter around my section scars, could this have been a reason why it didn't work?

The clinic has a 10% success rate, which is pants really, but it's cause they take on the cases other clinic refuse, so I stupidly thought as long as we're in the 10% then I don't mind - we've got 2DDs already so they said our chances were higher.  Should we change clinic?

So, what do we do next, I have 600 of puregon left and 9 needles, should we do a DIY cycle - I only have one tube (due to ectopic rupture, thanks to my emc-section!), and the ovary that does have a tube doesn't work.  

But I did get 3 follies from this ovary for our IVF cycle on 150/200 puregon, and I've read you're more fertile after IVF, so might I have a follie on that side naturally next cycle anyway, or will it shrivel back up to what it was before?  During our 4 IUI cycles I only ever had 1 cycle with just 1 follie on that side, which was too small to go ahead with IUI - so if we did DIY with the left over meds, then it's unlikely to put us at a high risk multiples due to my one ovary/one tube, opposite sides?!  I wouldn't want to carry more than twins, so it is a concern if we tried this way, but I feel desperate :(

Opinions really appreciaited (no lectures though please, I'm feeling low enough as it is).

Thanks x

Pre EC wobble :(

Old Blog Import, TTC#3

So, on Saturday morning my follies were measuring between 17 - 23.5mm, so EC is tomorrow.  HCG trigger was done last night and now I'm just a bag of nerves, I guess cause there is nothing else I can do now....

Also, our DDs are ill, full of colds, DD1 has been throwing up and DD2 has had the runs, so I'm full of a chesty cold too, really worried this is going to effect EC, it's clinic policy to do a general anesthetic for EC (although I could have demanded a local, but one of my ovaries is hard to get at, so guess a general is best for the pain).  I've been feeling soooooo sick too, I just feel they're going to say I'm not well enough for EC, what happens then?  I'm already dreading the next cycle (cause have quite a strong feeling this isn't going to work), the injections have been fine, but I've had horrid side effects and have been so tired and emotional, argh!  Not sure if I'll be doing round 2....

I take my hat off to the ladies who go through this more than once, knowing what they're letting themselves in for, what strong women they are!  

Sorry to be so negative, just needed to get it all out before I explode.  Feel free to give me a good slap to snap me out of it, lol!

To top it off, where I live they're very precautious, and I have to have a blumming enema tonight, it's going to act as a laxative, so the dr tomorrow doesn't have to bother about my bowels/being in the way, rargh!  I used to binge on laxatives (had an eating disorder), so I'm really not liking the idea of that :(  I just hope I don't poop myself during the 1.5hr drive in the morning....?!

Really hope my positivity comes back asap!

Phew!

Old Blog Import, TTC#3

Well, that's it, trigger shot is done, there is nothing else I have to do now except wait until egg collection on Tuesday.

I was crapping myself about the HCG trigger, but it was by far the easiest of injections to do - even though I did it myself, in my own ass, lol!  I will never think of the phrase *needle in a hay stack* the same way again, from now on it's *needle in an ass crack* pmsl!  

I was worried I couldn't bend round enough to do it, but I sort of did it in my side ass iygwim (it's big enough lol)!

I was also worrying about mixing it correctly, as it said on the instructions there was a vial of solution and a vial of powder, but the powder looked like cream.... but as soon as I mixed it was fine, phew!

So, I don't have to do any more injections, until next time, I'm just praying that there doesn't need to be a next time.

Now to worrying about the egg collection, I'll be given a light general anesthetic, but I'm petrified as I'm full of a cold and I think the girls have gastro, just hope it's not cancelled, and that the 8 follies produce 8 lovely eggies and we have a healthy, safe bfp/baby.